


Blackout

by princessofalderaan



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Dreams and Nightmares, Force Visions, Force-Sensitive Thrawn, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo, Post-Episode: s04e15-16 Family Reunion – and Farewell, Psychological Trauma, Star Wars: Thrawn: Treason Spoilers, with some comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-08-10 09:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20133139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessofalderaan/pseuds/princessofalderaan
Summary: At the moment of reckoning, Thrawn blacks out on the bridge of the Chimaera, plunging into a nightmare that he cannot escape. His light in the darkness? Eli Vanto.





	1. Prelude: Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thrawn takes in his surroundings aboard the Chimaera.

On the bridge of the _Chimaera_, Thrawn struggled against the purgil crushing his windpipe with its four tentacles. Klaxons blared and alarms roared and a tinny voice advised escape in the face of a hull breach and imminent destruction. Lights of all colors flashed from abandoned consoles. Buzzing filled his ears and black spots clouded his vision. 

The purgil pulled him to face the bow-ward viewport. Other purgil, too numerous to count, all but blotted out the stars. Smoke and debris cascaded from the other ships of the Eleventh Fleet. 

The _Chimaera_ lurched—yanked to lightspeed by its vanguard of purgil. Bile burned up Thrawn's throat. He forced it down. It was over. He relaxed against the purgil's hold, twisting his head to gaze at his adversary. _ There is no sense in fighting after another has claimed the day._

The last thing Thrawn saw before he blacked out was Bridger. _ Determination blazes in his eyes. The set of his jaw indicates his resolve. Sweat beads his brow, but his outstretched hand does not tremble. He stands firm, grounded in the knowledge of what he must do._

The last thing Thrawn heard before he blacked out was his own breathing, ragged and harried, a far cry from his deliberate breathing mere moments before. He let out a single shaky breath.

The last thing Thrawn felt was the weight of the Imperial insignia rank plaque on his chest, cold and metallic. The chrome plate pressed tight under the purgil's hold, digging through the fabric of his uniform to the skin.

The last thing Thrawn said before he blacked out was "Eli… forgive me."

Then everything dissolved into an endless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. :D
> 
> This started out as a vignette, but the plotbunnies pulled me under! This is my first fanfic in a long time, so please let me know if there is anything I can do to improve. I'm excited to see where this story will go; I'm flying by the seat of my pants on this one, boys. 
> 
> Be prepared for lots of angst ahead. My blue boi needs to be allowed to feel things...


	2. Kind Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thrawn wakes up and things are different.

Thrawn opened his eyes. The golden rays of a setting sun pierced his retinas. He quickly closed them again. Raising a hand to shield his eyes, he warily opened them.

He stood in a field of tall golden grasses that stretched as far as he could see in all directions. The blades stirred lazily in a warm summer wind, brushing the bare skin of his arms. In the direction of the setting sun, there was a figure dressed in grey.

He ran towards it. It was slow going, pushing through the waist-high grass. As he got closer, he wrinkled his nose. It was a man—no, a boy that was almost a man—who had a skin condition. His skin was a light brown. In all his (admittedly few) years, Thrawn had never seen anyone of that color, so there was probably something wrong with him.'

"Are you all right?" he yelled, running faster toward the young man. "Do you need vitamins?"

The young man didn't say anything, but waved him over.

By the time Thrawn reached the young man, he was panting. As he caught his breath, Thrawn was struck by the beautiful strangeness of the young man. His honey brown hair was short and ruffled, sticking out at odd angles. His face was flat, no ridges rising above his eyebrows. 

And the young man's eyes—deep brown with flecks of gold. Laugh lines crinkled at their corners. They were good eyes, sparkling with kindness.

The young man smiled at Thrawn.

Remembering himself, Thrawn hastily performed the bow for strangers. "S-sorry," he stuttered. "Are you okay? You seem a little sick."

The young man appeared to consider for a second, and then nodded.

"Wait, you're not Chiss, are you? I'm sorry, I've never been around an alien before. I mean, I've seen holos, but it's different seeing one in person."

The young man smiled again, wider this time. He glanced over his shoulder. Thrawn followed his gaze. The sun was almost at the horizon now.

"What's your name?" Thrawn asked.

The man said nothing, still staring at the setting sun.

"Thrawn. Mitth'raw'nuruodo. Nerf-herder." A voice sounded from above him. It sounded frustrated.

Suddenly, Thrawn's surroundings dissolved. The field and the sun were gone, replaced by the too-close walls of the room he shared with his roommate. 

That very roommate stood over him, gripping his long midnight blue braid. Ar'alani, two years his senior, bore through him with her all-too-normal ruby eyes. 

She yanked at Thrawn's braid.

"Ow!" Thrawn pulled away. The back of his head throbbed. "That really hurt!" 

Ar'alani glared at him. "Well, you weren't waking up. I know you're the youngest aboard, but you really shouldn't need to sleep like an infant anymore. You're late for your shift."

"I was…" Thrawn decided not to finish his sentence. As far as he knew, other navigators didn't dream of the future. He should keep it a secret, in case he got taken away again. If he told anyone, even a fellow navigator like Ar'alani, the men in white would find out, and he would be alone again. 

"You were what? You've got to get going. Come on. Get dressed." Ar'alani unceremoniously picked up Thrawn's uniform jacket from where it lay discarded on the floor and tossed it at him. 

It landed atop his head, the plastoid of his navigator's emblem smushed against his left cheek. "Yes, ma'am," he said, trying to put the right amount of respect into his voice.

"Very good," she said. "The admiral is waiting for you on the bridge." Ar'alani left the room, leaving the door open behind her.

Thrawn shrugged on his jacket. He fumbled with the closures at the side, fingers unused to the traditional hook-and-eye fasteners. He stood from his bunk, blinking the last of the trance from his eyes. He absently brushed his fingers over the navigator's emblem on his left breast. It was a square, upon which was embossed a circle. Inside the circle, two half-squares bisected a curved line. Two feet, and the line of the sky. 

He was a sky-walker. He guided ships through the stars. Even though all he wanted was to return to his vision of the not-quite-man the kind eyes, he knew he had to carry out his duties. If he didn't they would put him in a dark room all by himself.

Thrawn walked through his door and into the navigators' common area. Something was wrong. No voices echoed off the gleaming white walls. No scent of spiced cider wafted from the kitchen. No girls sat at the tables studying datapads. 

"Ar'alani?" 

There was no answer. 

He tried again. "Anyone?"

Again, no answer. 

Thrawn blinked tears out of his eyes. Was he being punished?

He walked through the common area, glancing out the viewport. All he could see was the blue tunnel of hyperspace. Someone had to be piloting the ship, right?

Thrawn raced to the door to the bridge. He pressed the control, and the door hissed open. Only, instead of the welcome lights of the bridge, there was a yawning chasm of darkness that unpenetrated by the light behind him.

He peered into the darkness, and the darkness peered back.

No. Not this. Not now. 

He tried to run away, but his feet did not obey. The darkness reached out and pulled him into its abyss.

He opened his mouth to scream, but the darkness poured inside. 

He tumbled without end, enveloped by the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to follow Thrawn into the darkness. This is what I found, and I'm kinda proud of it. Thank you for following me into the belly of the beast! 
> 
> Babby!Thrawn was really fun to explore. (I'd love to see a baby Thrawn in canon.) Stay tuned for more angst and bab shenanigans.


	3. A Long, Long, Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Thrawn encounters the Emperor and they have a little chat.

It felt like a giant fist was squeezing Thrawn.

The darkness pressed on Thrawn from all directions.

And it was cold. So cold. Colder than any winter Thrawn had ever experienced.

And the menace—cloying, like the sickly-sweet blooms that overwhelmed the lowlands of Csilla in summer, overpowering all other sensations.

Crackling lighting shattered the darkness, coursing from a bony hand and striking Thrawn in his chest. Whitehot pain surged through Thrawn's body. Too much. Too much pain. He screamed, but no sound came out.

The darkness vanished as the lightning subsided. 

He was no longer a child. He wore no uniform, only tattered rags, and his knees ached where they pressed into rough tile. 

In front of him, the Emperor sat in his throne—they were in the throne room of the Imperial Palace on Coruscant. The edges of the room were hazy, and there was no one else but the Emperor and Thrawn in the room. 

“Welcome, Mitth’raw’nuruodo. It is time we had our talk.” _The Emperor smiles, revealing a mouth full of yellowed, decaying teeth._ _His voice is light and amiable, but tinged with malice._

Thrawn had no response. The being before him was no longer a man, but a wraith. 

“Good. Good. You can sense my power. I had suspected you were once strong in the Force. A pity, that it took you this long to rediscover it. You could have been a powerful tool. But no matter; you have served me well, Mitth’raw’nuruodo.”

Again, Thrawn said nothing.

The Emperor’s wrath-filled eyes burned into Thrawn, and he was unable to look away. “I must ask you: why did you allow young Bridger to best you?”

“It was the most prudent course available to me,” Thrawn said. And that was the simple truth of the matter. He had seen no better way to make his exit, even if in doing so he had plunged him into this labyrinth of visions. 

“As always, you strive to be an enigma.” The Emperor laughed mirthlessly. “To me, however, you are anything but. I understand you. We are the same, you and I. You seek power, and I am the key.”

Thrawn felt the ice-hot energy sparking in the Emperor’s fingers. The Emperor extended a bony white hand. Thrawn looked down at his own blue hands, tightly interlaced.

“You do not know where you are going, do you? Instead, you wander, lost, through your dreams. The only way you will find your way out is through me. Trust in me, and I will guide you.” 

“I am no longer certain that you are of a lesser evil.”

“You will serve me regardless, because to you, the end justifies the means. I understand this. Yes, the dark side may be considered a perversion of the natural way of things, but by following it, I have ushered in a new era of prosperity and order to the galaxy. Is order and prosperity not your goal?” 

“Thrawn!” Eli’s voice cut through the stillness. The room wasn’t so cold anymore. 

Thrawn turned. Instead of the massive double doors that guarded the entrance to the throne room, there was a dark void stretching to oblivion. 

“Ah, you could go that way, my friend. But that path is certain to lead to destruction. If you come to me, I will help you protect that which you have fought for for so long.” The Emperor snatched Thrawn’s gaze back again. He held Thrawn’s gaze with the Force. _ The Emperor’s eyes crinkle for a moment in amusement, then blaze with fury.  _ “You cannot resist me.”

No, he couldn’t. Not like this. He was too weak.

“Thrawn!” Eli’s voice again, closer. 

“Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” Lightning exploded from the Emperor’s hands. “You  _ will _ join me.”

Thrawn tensed, preparing for the lightning bolts heading his way. But they never hit him. The bolts dissipated harmlessly around him, as if he were protected by a deflector shield. He smiled.

The Emperor hissed in annoyance. “You will come back to me. You cannot protect the Chiss Ascendancy or your pet lieutenant commander.”

“You are mistaken, Your Highness.” Thrawn pushed himself to his feet. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to.”

The throne room disappeared. The overwhelming sense of malice was gone, too, replaced with a warmth that surrounded Thrawn like a tender caress. However, the darkness was back.

Thrawn took a deep breath, focusing on the lingering sense of Eli as the darkness pressed in on him. “Where are you, Eli?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read, gave kudos, and commented! I really, really, appreciate it.
> 
> Thank you for being patient as I take an A G E to update. This chapter was very fun, but difficult, to write. I started writing it several times, because I wasn't sure which direction I wanted to go in. I am sure those other ideas will appear later on, though. And don't worry, we'll be seeing more of Eli soon.
> 
> Until next time, may the Force be with you!


End file.
